Show me the money
Computer game, Starcraft, which was made by Blizard, has some key words that can make game easier. “Show me the money” is one of the key words that give 10000 minerals and gases for manipulating units. Getting 10000 minerals affects a lot to the game. It makes gamers in a state of millionaire, and he or she can make everything in the game.
Like the key words in the game, I want to make a lot of money. Earning a lot of money is my ultimate goal also.
Before elementary school entrance, my mother bought me Talmud. It is the book which tells us didactic stories about life. When I read the Talmud, the one sentence came in to my mind.
-The most harmful things to human being are mouth and empty wallet.-
Although this sentence emphasizes people to care about their conversations also, I focused on empty wallet only. After I saw this sentence, I recognized the importance of money.
‘With the money, I can do everything. In contrast, if I do not have enough money, I will live very misery life.’ With this idea, I entered the elementary school. Like most of elementary school children, I lived mundane and ordinary life. I walked to school early, played soccer with friends and write words politely with 4B pencil.
However, the problem happened in Korean writing class. During the class, teacher required us to write about our dream. Many friends wrote their dream, such as scientist, doctor, and president. In my case, however, I wrote that my dream is earning a lot of money. I also wrote reasons.
- I think money is powerful tool. We cannot buy things without money. Having a lot of money also ensures me happiness since it allows me to do many things. –
But, my teacher did not accept my idea. She believed elementary school children’s dream should be something hopeful and idealistic. For her, my writing might be viewed as crazy thing. She called me and we had counseling time.
“Joohyung, why didn’t you write about your real dream?”
“Uh… Frankly speaking, this is my real dream.”
“No, Joohyung, dream should be something you want to do in future. Something like occupations. “
“ ………”
“Earning money cannot be the most important thing. There are many things that cannot buy with money. Like your future and your dreams.”
“………”
“Understand? So write this again and give it to me until tomorrow.”
‘meh.’
Counseling with her wounded my soft and genuine innocence of childhood. After that counseling, in front of people I said my dream is scientist but I did not think it as my ultimate goal. Maybe, my life in elementary school was life of a hypocrite. I covered my sincerity.
Not only my teacher, but also people around me thought my dream as weird thing. They have some negative thoughts about earning a lot of money and being a rich. Maybe they are affected by the social culture that emphasizes thrift and saving. In addition, in Korean society, there were many problems that were brought by the rich people’s greed. So overall society has negative view toward wealth, and they doubt where the wealth originated from.
Also many teachers taught us like this. “Do what you want to do. Then the money will follow you, if you do something really well.” Teachers can be the main character in the movie 3 idiots.
Although teachers’ saying is really good, they are too idealistic. Not only teachers but also other people I want to ask a question.
Do you really take your job with your pure interest?
People want to be famous writers not just writers. Since famous writers can only earn a lot of money and get high social status.
Many people are not free from their financial problem. They are afraid of their saved money. But they hide their real problem, and saying fanciful words. They speak like they do not concern about money. Like my elementary school teacher.
My dream is not the weird thing. I think it reveals most of people’s desire.
I want to say people to be frank. We should be frank to our own desire.
So I shout. “Show me the money.”
THE computer game, Starcraft, (which was made) CREATED by Blizzard, has some key words that A PLAYER CAN USE AS "CHEATS" TO make THE game easier. “Show me the money”is one of THESE CODES (DELETE the key words). IF A PLAYER TYPES IT IN, THEY ARE INSTANTLY PROVIDED WITH 10000 minerals and gases for manipulating units, THUS MAKING THE GAMEPLAYER A VIRTUAL MILLIONAIRE, AND THEREFORE ABLE TO ACHIEVE MANY AMAZING FEATS. (DELETE Getting THESE 10000 minerals affects a lot to the game. It makes gamers in a state of millionaire, and he or she can make everything in the game.) Like the key words in the game, I want to make a lot of money. Earning a lot of money is my ultimate goal (DELETE also). "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"
답글삭제Before ENTERING elementary school (DELETE entrance), my mother bought me the book "The Talmud," (DELETE It is the book) which tells us didactic JEWISH stories about HOW TO LIVE A SUCCESSFUL AND MORAL life. When I read IT (DELETE the Talmud), (DELETE the) one sentence IN PARTICULAR came in to my mind(:)
(")The most harmful things to human beingS are THE mouth and AN empty wallet.(")
(ARE you sure you got this quote right? I tried to google it and I can't find it. Your translation might be off - it seems to be missing something. Check again.)
Although this sentence emphasizes THAT people SHOULD care about their conversations AS WELL (DELETE also), I focused on the "empty wallet" ASPECT only. After I saw this sentence, I recognized the importance of money.
‘With (DELETE the) money,' I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, 'I can do everything. In contrast, if I do not have enough money, I will live A very MISERABLE (DELETE misery) life.’
With this idea, I entered (DELETE the) elementary school. Like most (DELETE of elementary school children) KIDS, I lived A mundane and ordinary life. I walked to school early, played soccer with friends(,) and WROTE (DELETE write) words politely with A 4B pencil.
(Love the above sentence!)
However, the problem happened in Korean writing class(,) (DELETE During the class,) WHEN THE teacher required us to write about our dream. Many friends wrote (DELETE their dream, such as) ABOUT BECOMING scientistS, doctorS, and presidentS. In my case, however, I wrote that my dream WAS (DELETE is) TO EARN (DELETE earning) a lot of money. I also PROVIDED MY (DELETE WROTE) reasons:
(ITALICIZE)
I think money is A powerful tool. We cannot buy things without money. Having a lot of money also ensures me happiness since it allows me to do many things.
But, LO AND BEHOLD, my teacher did not accept my idea. She believed elementary school children's DREAMS should be something hopeful and idealistic. For her, my writing might be viewed as A crazy thing. She called me and we had counseling time.
답글삭제“Joohyung, why didn’t you write about your real dream?”
“Uh, frankly speaking, this is my real dream.”
“No, Joohyung. DreamS should be something you want to do in future. Something like AN occupation."
(DELETE “ ………”) I STARED BLANKLY.
“Earning money cannot be the most important thing. There are many things that YOU cannot buy with money. Like your future and your dreams.”
ANOTHER BLANK STARE. (DELETE “………”)
“Understand? So write this again and give it to me (DELETE until) tomorrow.”
‘Meh.’
Counseling with her wounded my soft and genuine innocence of childhood. After that (DELETE counseling), in front of THE CLASS (DELETE people) I said THAT my dream WAS TO BE A scientist(,) EVEN THOUGH (DELETE but) I did not think it as my ultimate goal. Maybe, my life in elementary school was THE life of a hypocrite. I covered my sincerity.
Not only my teacher, but also people around me thought my dream as A weird thing. They have some negative thoughts about earning a lot of money and BECOMING (DELETE being a) rich. Maybe they are affected by the social culture that emphasizes thrift and saving. In addition, in Korean society, there ARE (DELETE were) many problems that were brought by the rich people’s greed. So(,) (DELETE overall) society OFTEN has A SELECTIVELY negative view TOWARDS wealth, and they doubt THE SOURCES OF IT (DELETE where the wealth originated from).
ACCORDINGLY, (DELETE Also) many teachers taught us with THIS KIND OF RHETORIC: (DELETE like this.) “Do what you want to do. Then the money will follow you if you do something really well.” Teachers can SOMETIMES be the main characterS in the movie "3 Idiots." Although THEIR (DELETE teachers’) INTENTIONS ARE (DELETE saying is) really good, they are too idealistic. I WANT TO ASK A QUESTION, not only teachers but also other people: (DELETE I want to ask a question.)
Do you really PERFORM AND CHOOSE (DELETE take) your job with your pure interest?
People want to be famous writers(,) not just writers(,) since ONLY famous writers can (DELETE only) earn a lot of money and get high social status. Many people are not free from their financial problemS. They are afraid of (DELETE their saved) money, DELETE But they hide) HIDING their real problem BY saying fanciful words. LIKE MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER, they speak like they do not CARE OR WORRY (DELETE concern) about money. (DELETE Like my elementary school teacher.)
My dream is not A (DELETE the) weird thing. I think it reveals most (DELETE of) people’s desires.
I want (DELETE to say) people to SPEAK FRANKLY (DELETE be frank). We should be frank ABOUT (DELETE to) our own desire. So, IN MY CASE, I shout(:) “Show me the money(!)”
Check your SPAM folder. I think the final edits went there because I copied and pasted them.
답글삭제This is a funny essay. The Starcraft thread could be tied in at the end somehow. It's funny that this is what is simulating the millionaire feeling for you until you can actually go out and make a fortune.
So, on that point, I have to question you and give your former teacher a bit of a nod. You said your dream was to make lots of money, but you didn't say how. Maybe by being that famous doctor, writer, NBA all-star, or astronaut you'd be able to rake in the coin. Your teacher should have taken that approach, thus complicating your childhood dreams. "Joo Hyung, it's nice that you want to be a millionaire. So how is that going to happen?"
The irony is that while we can type "SHOW ME THE MONEY" into Starcraft and become instantly loaded with precious minerals and gasses, we can't do that in real life. Therefore, we go to boarding schools out in the middle of rice fields and mountains to speak only English and study until our brains pop. : ) Sound accurate?
So I did enjoy reading this and having a laugh.
Your grammar could use some work, but your writing ability and instinct makes up for the minor issues (though, cumulatively they do pose a bit of a distraction - so try to learn some things from the second draft process).
Good work. Now show me the second draft!